Past Or Present
by tilly-tequila101
Summary: Bella was in a horrible acident which forced her into amnesia. Since nobody knew her name, she was called Alexis. She got kicked out of another group home and was now being exiled to the place she woke up. Forks. Will her past resurface? AH JxB OOC enjoy!
1. Prologue

**A/N: new story!!! Yay!**

_**Prologue **_

I was running.

I don't know what from.

I don't know where I was going.

But I was running faster then I've ever gone before.

The wind pushed my hair out of my face as tears streamed down my cheeks.

What was I running from?

My past?

My inevitable future?

My anger?

My fear?

Maybe none of them.

Maybe all of them.

I pushed myself harder as I let Bella disappear behind me, letting Alexis take over.

_Fear is only in my mind, taking over all the time._

_Fear is only in your mind, taking over all the time._

**Just wanted to give some more insight on what she meant…**

**My past: the death of her family**

**My inevitable future: she believes she has no future**

**My anger: being shuffled from group home to group home**

**My pain: the emptiness and loss she feels**

**My fear: of loosing the only one who really loved her.**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: I really hope you guys like this story. It wasn't entirely meant for twilight but I really wanted to write it and I really want reviews. Please guys. they mean more then you'll ever know!!!!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me:** dude, I want a magical flying unicorn…..  
*magical flying unicorn pops up out of nowhere*

**Me and Lauren: **OHMAIGAWSHNESS!!!

**Lauren: **I want….a soda.  
*soda pops up out of nowhere*

**Me:** I WANT TO OWN TWILIGHT!!

**Random Voice: **Sorry. Wish is invalid.

**Me: **DAMN BITCH I SAID—

**Lauren **Let it go, Anna. Let it go.

_**Chapter 1**_

"Alex stop glaring. It doesn't look good with your face." I shifted into a deeper glare.

"Tell me again why I had to leave." I said rudely. I was good to my last foster parents. My grades started getting higher, and I got into less fights, at school and at 'home'. They didn't try pushing my buttons, so I returned the favor by letting them keep their noses unbroken.** (I sometimes tend to be a violent person =-) it kind of reflects in my writing.)**

"They couldn't afford to keep you Alex."

My name is Alexis. I probably had a different name as a child but I won't remember it anytime soon.

One day, when I was about twelve I woke up in a hospital not remembering anything about myself. They brought every record they could dig up to me, mistaking me for a 'good girl'. I burned the records before anybody read them. I knew that if my parents weren't around when I woke up, I wouldn't want to know how they died.

I knew that, at the time, I lived in Forks, Washington though. It's where I woke up. And it's also where Danni, the woman who finds different group homes for me to live in, is now exiling me to another family.

Every kid in the 'homes' I ended up in always asked me the same stupid question, "why don't you just make a run for it?" and I always responded with the same words, "Where will I run to?"

So far I'm the fastest kid in all my group homes, and I've lived in more then ten a year, and I'm seventeen now. One more year and I'll be living on the streets. I was a little bit afraid of what was lying ahead of me, but I just translated my fear into anger.

"The _one_ time I let a foster family close, they throw me out, and now this!" I said gesturing to the sign out the window of the car, but I hit my hand against it, forgetting it was closed. She sighed.

"Just try making the best of it Alexis. Try like you did with the Mendoza's." I rolled my eyes.

"Why should I bother? They're going to throw me out just like the rest of these money mooching bastards."

"Don't cuss Alexis. It's not pretty."

"Shut up! Who gives a rat's ass?"

"I do dammit! Now stop cussing." She glared at me. I looked at her.

"Nice." I said and we both busted out laughing. She parked the car and sighed.

"Ready?" I put my hat on backwards and cracked my knuckles, just in case I did it subconsciously later. Most 'parents' don't like us outcasts making noise. I fixed my smiled into a grimace and narrowed my eyes to make them more menacing then innocent. I learned the hard way that innocent is bad. If you look like you'll fight back, they'll leave you alone.

"Not like I have much of a choice." I grumbled. We stepped out the car and I draped my small backpack of a bag around my neck. We stepped onto the porch steps, and then she knocked on the door. I took the moment to admire the house that they were living in. maybe this time they'll be nice to me.

A man answered the door, he was dressed in a suit and tie, he looked like he was about to go to work. He looked at me then looked to Danni.

"Hello Mr. Cullen, this is Alexis, she's new to Forks." It should be called spoons. This city is so boring. I have no idea how I was able to keep myself occupied here when I was a kid.

"Alexis, hello" he held out his hand for me to shake it. I looked at his hand and looked back to his face as if to say, 'you think I'm touching you?'. Appear rude and threatening and they'll leave you alone. They don't bother because they think you're a hopeless cause. I guess I am, it's not like I have a future or anything. He pulled his hand away and pulled it through his hair. Danni didn't even elbow me. She's use to my rude shield. She's the only one who has really ever seen me genuinely smile.

"Alright well come in. she'll be perfectly safe here." I rolled my eyes and mouthed, 'bye Danni.' She gave me a small wave as the door closed. Something shoved me into the wall in front of me. I felt like I was being arrested, been there. Done that.

"Shut up and get upstairs. Don't talk. Don't smoke. Don't cut. You stay up there until I say you can. Got it." he said, shoving his forearm into the back of my neck, beginning to cut off my breath.

"Yes sir." I said as if I was in pain. Some people get off with that kind of crap. He let go of me and threw my down to the stairs. My knee rammed into the edge of the bottom step. I accidentally let out a moan, but I stood up quickly and straightened out my leg, despite the screaming pain saying to not move.

"Are you ok?" he asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

"Yes sir, I'm fine." He nodded. I limped up the stairs and rounded a corner. I leaned against a door and slid down it, examining my kneecap. It was already swollen. I was going to have to wet something with cold water to replace ice.

The door I was leaning against opened. I silently fell onto my back, not even a thud was heard.

"New here?" I glared at him and stood up, being more wary of my knee and giving it in so it could bend. He saw my stance and looked down to my knee.

"You ok?" he asked, touching my arm. Despite my pain I stumbled back, forcing my leg to straighten out and hold some weight. You don't let the guys touch you. Nice or not, don't let them touch you.

"Don't touch me." He sighed and walked out into the hall; he began to walk down the hall and looked back at me.

"You wanna see your room or not?" I looked back I walked towards him warily.

"I have my own room?" he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah no, if you didn't look like such a hardass he wouldn't have touched you." I ran up in front of him and stopped him.

"I've grown up in homes where I was beaten, raped, cut, and smoked. What the hell do you expect from me? To be all happy go lucky?"

"For someone whose been orphaned off so many times, you really lack compassion." I glared at him.

"Compassion leads to love, and I've been broken so many times that it wouldn't surprise me if I wouldn't no how to feel it anymore." He rolled his eyes and walked around me.

"My dad gave me you file. You're not in the system. Why is that?" I began to limp after him.

"I burned any record of my life when I was 12 maybe."

"Maybe?"

"I don't know who I am. I mean, at 12 years old I got amnesia when I woke up at the hospital, and then I burned any record of me or my family."

"Why?"

"I guess I just don't deal well with death." He sighed as he walked up some stairs.

"My parents died too." He paused, "You coming?" I leaned against the railing.

"Any other way to get up there?"

"Nope." I sighed in frustration and hoisted myself up the first step, not wanting to put any more weight on my leg. This was going to kill my speed when I run.

"Want some help?" he offered. I glared at him.

"I don't need your help." I said. He glared at me.

"Emmett! New kid needs you!" a big man came to the hall way. It made me stumble up a couple of stairs. He laughed at me and offered his hand. I glared at his hand a stood up on my own, pretending my knee was fine. He looked to the boy who was pissing me off a second ago.

"It's a mask. She can barely stand."

"What'd she do?"

"He was just showing her that he doesn't screw with hopeless cases." I stomped up the steps to the guy and smacked him across the face. I heard a crowd of 'oooohhs' behind me, but I learned that you never turn away from a target, because after you get in a hit, you become a target as well. Someone grabbed my waist; I let the arms hold me for a moment. The person holding me was very muscular, probably the big guy, Emmett, I kicked my leg back and kicked him in the balls. He dropped me on the stairs, I felt my wrist snap, but I didn't let them see my weakness. I curled my hands into fists and stood up again. There were two girls at the bottom of the stairs watching me and another guy at the top. Carlisle came to see what all the commotion was.

"Edward, what's going on?" he didn't answer, he just stared at me in amazement.

"New girl kicked Emmett in the balls and smacked Edward." The tall blonde girl said. She was probably a ditz. I bet if I put a mirror at the bottom of a pool she would drown.

"Alexis. Get over her. Now." He said. I was about to take a step down when my bad knee gave out from under me. I fell onto the bottom platform. I moaned and curled up, giving into my pain.

"Alex, what's wrong. Where does it hurt?"

"My wrist. It's broken. And my knee. That needs to be fixed fast. If it doesn't, I can run."

"Here let me see you wrist." I pulled it out of his reach.

"My knee first." He glared at me.

"If you don't let me see you wrist it'll set wrong." I glowered at him.

"My knee first." He sighed.

"Come sit over here." I sat up and pulled myself to the edge of the stairs.

"I can do this." He rolled his eyes.

"Emmett, help her."

"Hell no. the last time I touched her, she tried to kill me." I glared at him and he flinched back. It seems I've already made an impact on this family. Good, they should be scared.

"I've never seen someone endure so much pain, just to not be touched."

"I've grown up in group homes. I had to learn the rules the hard way. That's the only way I know. Fighting is second nature to me." I said. He sighed and reached out to me. I looked at him with a blank stare. He growled.

"Will you let one of the girls help you?" I looked at the girls. The tall one intimidated me a little and the little one could be fast. The little one looks more innocent though, I could take her easily. I nodded my head. The girls walked over to me. The tall one took my injured side and helped me up. I leaned away from her and ended up running into the wall. The small one slapped her away. She seemed like she understood the no touching no helping too intimidating rule.

Maybe she went to hell like me.

She held her hand out to me, letting me make the choice. I looked at her hand and sized her up quickly again. I took her hand. She helped me up and I put my arm around her shoulder. I tried not to put too much weight on her, it seemed like I could squish her, and so I kept my left side pushed up against the wall. We slowly maybe our way down the stairs.

"Ok. That's it. I'm done with this." Someone said. It was the voice of that annoying boy, Edward? I heard his footsteps approach me and heard the small one say, "no Edward!"

Edward swooped me up in his arms. I screamed and threw my elbow into his chest; he dropped me and lost his breath. I screamed again as I felt one of my ribs break. I pushed myself away from him and broke a glass table, picking up the sharpest shard I could find.

"Dammit Edward." The small one said, smacking him upside the head. "see what you did. She probably has another broken bone." She turned to the rest of the family, "don't touch her. She's been through so much. You can't touch her unless she wants you to."

"We were just trying to help."

"She doesn't know what help is." I screamed again.

"I'm sorry. You probably don't like being talked about like your not there." I nodded. She sighed and kneeled down to me.

"You need help Alex. You need to let Carlisle bandage you." I glared past her to the man standing with a sweet looking woman at his side. She looked like she was going to shed some tears. She didn't even know me.

"He's a doctor." She answered my silent question. I sighed and dropped the shard. She held out her hand again, I gestured her forward and lifted myself up while she held my forearm. She was much stronger then she seemed. She lay me down on the couch.

"Can Carlisle come over now?" I nodded.

"What first?" he asked.

"My knee." He nodded and put some glasses on. He examined my knee and gave the boys some orders. Nobody came close to me except Alice and Carlisle.

Once I was all bandaged up I had started talking to Emmett. What can I say? Idiots are entertaining.

"Alex, will you let Emmett carry you to your room?" I sighed and sized him up again and felt around my body, feeling the severity of the injuries.

My broken rib was wrapped up so tightly, I could barely feel the break. My wrist was in a brace since I whined about being in a cast, but it was secure enough to punch someone out. My knee was iced and the swelling went down almost completely. My elbow was bruised but the discoloration would be gone by tomorrow. And I had small slivers of glass in my hand but Carlisle got it out. I would be able to run and punch if needed to.

I nodded at Alice. She waved Emmett forward. He smiled and looked at me in the eyes. I wanted to smile, back but gut reaction told me not to. I held my arms out, telling him that he could pick me up. But when he was leaning down I stopped him.

"When you pick me up just give me a second, ok? I'm not good with human contact. Especially when I'm injured." He smiled again and nodded. His arms moved under my legs and just below my shoulder blades. I flinched when he touched my bandage. He froze completely and waited for me to give him the ok to move. I took in a shaky breath and let it out.

"Ok. Its ok." I said. He immediately loosened up and walked quickly up the stairs. I clung to his neck and buried my face in his shoulder.

This trust was going to kill me.

**A/N: yay me!!!! I wrote a super angsty story!!! Yay. Um yeah, review cuz it means so much!!! Pwease? Yes? No? yes! =-) yay!**

**Review!!!!!**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you sooo much for the reviews!!! And I really wanted to thank Isabella for pretty much convincing me so update so quickly. Thank you so much for the reviews and the adds and what not! I love you guys!!!! read on!!!!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: ***sleeping*

**Edward:** WAAAAKKE UPPP!!!

**Me: **AHHHHHH!..........wait…..why am I holding a lamp?!

**Edward: **HELL IF I KNOW! I just got sick of hearing about your dreams about Jacob and I.

**Jacob: **Please don't EVER repeat that sentence….

**Me: **hmph. Well, they won't stop until I own Twilight.

**Edward: **Dream on then.

_**Chapter 2**_

I've been living in this house for a week and I haven't seen anything more then my room and the living room.

Carlisle refused me to go to school in my 'condition'. I keep trying to tell him that I've been through worse, but he always says, 'no daughter of mine will go to school broken.' I really don't want to burst his bubble but as soon as I'm old enough, I'm leaving. I hate being in forks. I hate the fact that all my memories float around her ominously, waiting for me to remember everything.

Sometimes they trickle back. I'd get flashes of me really little play outside in the mud, but never anything about my parents, my friends, or even my name. I mean if I'm going to remember something, it mine as well be useful to me somehow.

The only people I talked to was Carlisle, if I had to, Alice, and Emmett. Jasper and Rosalie would stay away from me, which I am perfectly fine with. I don't need them stalking me like Edward. Sometimes he would stand in my doorway and just stare at me.

"What are you staring at?"

"*silence*"

And then I would throw something at him and he would leave. Stalker Status.

Anyways, the reason why I would only talk to Alice is because I knew her story went deeper then anyone else in her, maybe even mine, but it seemed she had time to heal because she can understand what I'm trying to communicate easily. And I talk to Emmett because he doesn't ask questions about my past, and he's learned the 'rules' by having me around. When he put me on the bed he said, "I can't believe you were able to knock me down like that. Where'd you learn to fight?" he never asked, you fight anyone bigger then me? Or how many people have you fought? It was very interesting. This family seemed completely uninterested in my past, and that's a good thing I guess.

I've been trying to convince myself that I should stop living in the past, that my future is important. But its not like I'm going to college, I don't have the money, and I'm not smart enough for a scholarship. I haven't really thought this 'live in the present, think about your future' thing out very much. I came up with it this morning.

I had to stop my fretting because Alice's car pulled up into the school parking lot. I was going back to school finally! Normally I would want to burn a school down, but I'm so happy to be away from Carlisle's very watchful eye, that I would take this over staying home.

Alice tried to convince me that I should wear make up but I wasn't that stupid. Instead I let her put cover up on my face and let her fix my hair. I couldn't believe that we were almost late because she just _had_ to do my hair.

Emmett and Alice stood on either side of me and walked me to the office, even Rosalie tagged along. I saw the cars this morning and I could help but fall in love with Rosalie's BMW. So beautiful. She said that we could look in it when she came home from school.

"hi, This is Alexis Cullen, she's knew here." The lady at the front desk looked at me; I could tell what she was thinking. "Great! Someone who would be willing to take a gun to school and kill us all. Troubled people are _not_ welcome here." I hated it when people do that. But that's just about right for someone like me. I sighed and let my eyes widened in innocence and plastered a fake smile on my face. I walked up next to Alice and held my hand out to Mrs. Cope.

"Hi, I'm Alexis. It's very nice to meet you." Her face changed instantly, she smiled and met my hand with hers.

"Hello Alexis. I'm Mrs. Cope." She looked away from me for a second and pulled out a folder. "Here is your class schedule, you need to get it signed by all of your teachers and bring it back here at the end of the day. Alright?" I nodded. She pulled out another paper; it seemed to be a map of the school. I sighed internally and let her show me the best ways to get to each class.

"Thank you so much for your help."

"Absolutely sweetheart." I rolled my eyes and cracked my knuckles.

"That was interesting. Never seen you crack a smile like that before." Rosalie said.

"I don't need security guards watching me the entire time I'm here. When she first saw me you could see that she thought I was a bad kid." Emmett laughed. I shot him a glare. He smiled.

"Sorry." I rolled my eyes.

"I just don't want to be followed by someone I use to outrun." They laughed and I gave the ground a small smile.

"Here let me see." She snatched the pieces of paper out of my hands and compared it to her own.

"We only have too classes together." She said frowning. I looked over her shoulder.

"But we have the same lunch period. That's good right?" I looked to Emmett, he nodded.

"See then its fine."

"But what if you need help?" I rolled my eyes.

"I can take care of myself Alice."

"Without punching someone out?" she paused, "and a broken hand? I don't think so."

"Broken or not, it's still of use to me." She rolled her eyes.

"The rules don't apply here Alex. You have to let them go." I stepped in front of her.

"The rules will always apply to me Alice. Once I turn 18 I'm gone, and I don't even know where I'm going, but I can't stay here."

"Where will you go?"

"I don't have anywhere to go, but that's why I can't let go of the rules. I can't risk forgetting." Emmett was always one to cut tension with a knife.

"Ok, come on Alex, our class is this way." I kind of felt bad. I've never gotten into Alice's face about anything. So I guess now I know our main difference.

She has a future, I don't.

The rest of the day was boring. I went from class to class, not alone to my disappointment. I was followed around by some guy in my English class. I think his name was mike or something. He was walking me to my gym, my last class, when I turned around and glared at him.

"I don't need you following me around like a puppy ok? I can take care of myself, and I defiantly don't need your help. Got it?" is growled at him. He nodded and I turned away to walk to the teacher.

"Ok Alexis, here's a uniform. You're dressing up today. We're running the mile; you think you can do it?" I rolled my eyes and took the uniform.

"I was born to run." I went into the locker room and changed. This girl, Jessica came up to me and started talking, but I zoned her out. I felt my knee for any signed of swelling, anything that might slow me down, but I found nothing. I stretched it out and it cracked, but nothing else happened. I put all my weight on it but no pain. I slipped on a knee brace Carlisle gave to me and walked outside, leaving a very distraught Jessica behind me. I could help but laugh at the pissed off girl behind me. I hadn't listened to a word she said and walked away. I bet her hands were on her hips. I turned around just enough to take a peak, and sure enough, she was standing with her hands on her hips and a grimace on her face. I laughed and walked to the starting line the teacher set up.

I stood in between two guys that looked like they were about to run a marathon. I crouched down slightly and cracked my knuckles, nervous habit.

"Go!" I pushed myself off the ground and leapt forward in front of the two guys. I laughed a little. I was probably faster then the whole school.

The mile was eight laps and I ran them all. I was on my eighth lap when I felt that water would be really nice in my mouth.

"Hey, Alexis right?" a boy came up to me. He was about as big as Emmett, but was tanner and had shaggy black hair. I remembered seeing him around the track, he was pretty good at keeping up with me, but my pace was steady, at times I remembered seeing him fall behind.

"Yeah. Who are you?"

"Jacob Black. You know, you look really familiar." My eyes widened and my footing faltered. I would've fallen flat on my face if Jacob hadn't caught me. I yanked myself out of his arms and took off running. He sprinted after me but I was too fast for him to catch up. I passed the finished line and the teacher smiled at me.

"My fastest runner couldn't beat you for a mile. Congrates." I glowered at him and ran back to the locker room, hoping I didn't run into Jacob again.

Of course, with my luck, as I was fast walking out of the locker room, I ended up running into him.

"My bad." He said, and then he looked down at my face. "Have we met before? I mean, before just now."

"Umm, y-yeah, I'm sure." I stuttered. He knew me from when I was little. He was a piece of my past, and some day he was going to remember, and he was going to force everything onto me. It was times like these when I had at least made sure what my birthday was before I burned the records. Then I wouldn't have to wait a year in Forks.

I ran past him to Alice's car and waited rather impatiently for them to show up.

"What took you guys so long?" I said to them. My eyes swept across the parking lot.

"Oh god, what'd you do?" jasper said. I glared at him.

"Nothing."

"Well something must've happened, because you look like you want to curl up and die." I glowered at Alice.

"Hey Bella." My eyes widened and I gasped. Bella. Bella Swan. That was my name. I turned around to see Jacob. I remembered him too.

"I remember you." Jacob hugged me tightly.

"My dad and I… we didn't know what to do. They wouldn't let us keep you. They said that there was no hope in you remembering anything." My gaze shifted into a glare. I shoved him off me.

"You and Billy sent me to group homes." Jacob's eyes widened.

"No! We would never do that. We didn't have a choice. After Renee and Phil and Charlie died, they would let us do anything." I felt tears build in my eyes. I stepped up to him and smacked him, hard.

"Why would you tell me? I was perfectly content not remembering." I felt the tear spill over. I took my backpack off and shoved it into Edward's arms.

"Take it." I said. And then I ran.

I ran all the way home, to my old house. It was about two or three miles from school. When I got to the house it was burned badly. I wiped the tears away and walked up to the door. I tried the knob but it was locked. I kicked down the door. It's not like anybody was living here.

I walked into the hallway, touching the coat hanger my dad use to hang his gun on. I walked into the dinning room and touched the chair I last sat in. my dad use to let me sit at the head of the table. The tears fell freely on my face; nobody was here to watch me, so why should I care?

I moved into the kitchen and looked around; there were some charred plates in the sink that still needed to be washed. I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. I let a sob escape my throat when I saw all the pictures lined up on the mantle of the fireplace that was probably never used. There was a picture of my dad and mom's wedding. They were only 18 when they married. I think they divorced, because I don't have any memories of mom in this house.

I walked up the stairs and saw my bedroom to the left of me and my dad's room to the right. If I went in my room I was sure to have a breakdown. I went to my dad's room and opened the door. There was nothing special about it. Just some clothes throw everywhere, but they were all burned now. I shook my head to clear it and went into the bathroom. Like I said about my dad's room, nothing special. I saw my old toothbrush still in its place. I acted as if I was going to reach out t touch it, but for some reason my body refused to.

I dropped my hand and walked to my bedroom door. I touched the knob gently, and then wrapped my hand around it, but a noise downstairs froze me.

"Bella? Are you here?" it was Jacob. I wiped my tears away and curled my hand into a fist. I walked down stairs and glared at Jacob.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

"I hate you."

"I'm sorry."

"I hate you. I hate you, I hate you!" I screamed him and I lunged. He caught me by my forearms and held my there. Some of my tears escaped and fell onto my face.

"Why couldn't you just let me no remember? Why couldn't you let me be ignorant? Why did you have to force this on me? Why could you pretend to not know me?" I yelled question after question at him. But he didn't bother to answer any of them, he just let me yell and scream at him over and over. Eventually I could yell anymore, I just cried. I let myself fall of pieces in front of someone I barely knew.

Alice was right. The rules don't apply to me anymore.

**Review please!!!**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: sup guys!!! I hope you like this chapter cuz I wrote it the best that I could. I never knew writing memories could be this difficult. =-)**

**Disclaimer:**

**Jacob:  
**"_You feel bad? you feel sad?  
I'm sorry, hell no fuck that!  
It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife.  
This strife it dies, this life and these lies.  
And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt too, remember I loved you!"  
_**Me: **… what's up with you and Hollywood undead?  
**Jacob:** *takes headphone out of ear.*  
They. Are. AWESOME!  
**Me:** *laughs*  
I know riiiightttttt!!!  
**Lauren:** Jessica much?  
**Me:** STFU! WHY DON'T YOU GO DRIVE TO RUSSIA KRISTEN!?!?!?  
**Lauren: **i'm use to it.  
**Me: **prude!  
**Lauren:** *shakes head* you are a sad little girl.  
**Me: ***glares*  
**Jacob:** ya no, this would be much hotter if you guys were wrestling in some mud.  
**Me and Lauren: ***throws stuff at him*  
**Jacob:** HEY YOU CAN'T HURT ME CUZ YOU DON'T OWN ME!  
**Me: ***glares* wanna bet?  
**Jacob: ***runs away*  
I don't own Twilight or the reference I make to Hollywood Undead!!! =-)

_**Chapter 3**_

Jacob held me close to his chest as I cried into it. I've never felt warmth like this. I could feel myself accept him before I even knew what I was doing.

"It's ok Bella. Everything going to be ok." I sniffled and pulled away from him, wishing I didn't. The warmth that radiated off of him disappeared from me and was quickly wrapped in cold. I wiped the tears away and grabbed his hand, pulling him up the stairs with me. I stopped at the door and looked at him.

"Open the door." I commanded. He looked into my eyes, reading my emotions to see if I was stable enough to even go in there. Once he found nothing but the left over tears in my eyes he sighed and opened the door quickly. I leaned into the doorframe and looked into the room.

I saw my mint green walls invade my eyes and sighed. No memories yet. I looked back at Jacob. It was strange, feeling like I could trust someone. I never had that luxury, well from what I remember.

He intertwined our fingers together and walked into the room, pulling me with him. I saw my bed. I walked over to it, letting go of Jacob's hand, and touched the soft fabric of my purple sheets, but before I could process it my mind was enveloped in a memory.

It was Jacob and I when we were young, and it was nighttime.

"'night bells." I saw my twelve year old self sigh as Jacob's twelve year old self wrap his arms around my waist. She nuzzled into his chest and he put his chin on top of her head.

"'night Jake." I was quickly brought back to the present. I couldn't stop the smile that crossed my face.

"What?" I looked up to Jacob.

"We were really close weren't we?" he smiled and nodded. I walked over to my computer desk and swiped my fingers over the keyboard. Grey and black dust flew up into the air. I coughed and tried to clear the air around me. I heard Jacob laugh at me, so I turned around and have him a short glare but it faded out quickly. I opened the drawer and pulled out a composition book out. I flipped it open and the first page was a song that I must've liked back in the day. I flipped some more pages but they were all songs. I continued to flip until I came to another page that had a date at the top: 6-15-97

_Dear diary,  
__My mom said to write my every thought and feeling in this, but I think its pointless. I am not going to try very hard. She sent me to therapy so I don't think I need this.  
__My mom also gave me a list of things to write about if I don't have anything to say so here it goes…_

_**How do I feel?  
**__Mad. Normal fro me I guess.  
__**Why?  
**__THIS IS STUPID! I could be hanging out with Jacob in his fort but my mom wants me to spend an hour writing.  
__**What did you do today?  
**__I woke up and ate breakfast. Then I tried to go to Jacob's house but my dad wouldn't let me. He said if my mom knew I didn't write in this she would get mad at him and I really don't want that. So now I'm writing.  
__**What are you going to do after?  
**__I'm going to see Jacob and Jessy. Billy is at work right now so me and Jacob can't get away with much.  
__**Anything you want to talk about?  
**__Not really. I just want to be with Jacob._

I laughed. I never noticed how… umm obsessive I was of him. Why didn't this burn in what seemed to be a fire!!!

"Here let me see." My eyes widened as as shut the book and turned toward him.

"It's ok. Really." He laughed at me expression and tried to reach around me to get it, but I backed up again.

"No. no quit it!" I said, trying to bat his hand away.

"Come on Bella. Give it."

"no." he stalked toward me and put his hands out to me like claws, but not grabbing me. My eyes widened as I backed away from him.

"Jake?" I asked, trying to figure out what he was doing. The back of my knees hit the bed. He lunged at me and I let out a scream.

"JACOB BLACK!" I yelled as his arms wrapped around my waist trying to reach the book that was hidden behind me. "No Jacob no!!!!" I yelled. His hand found the book and was trying to pry it out of my hands. I considered kneeing him, but I didn't want to hurt him. I knew he meant no harm to me.

"no." I murmured as he pry one finger off the book and felt my grip slip.

"no." I said louder as he worked another finger off the book. "no!" I shouted as he pryed off almost my entire hand, "no, no! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!" I yelled as he took the book in his hands and out of mine, but instead of moving he stayed on top of me. We both had playful smiled out our faces, but I still had my fake glare on my face.

Then my bedroom door swung open. Jacob and I turned our gazes away from each other and looked towards the door. Edward stood in the doorway, glaring at Jacob. I looked back to Jacob, and took my hand out front behind me and patted his chest.

"Um, y—you can um, get up now." He smiled and got off me. His mistake was leaving the book unprotected. I snatched the book out of his hands and hit him over the head, he flinched away and rubbed the back of his head, and I could've sworn I heard him mutter, "that hurt" with his bottom lip sticking out.

"Hey Edward. What's up?" I beamed at him. I don't remember the last time I've been this happy. Unfortunately, that's when my brain decided to pull a memory.

A younger me, probably twelve, was sitting in the middle of my room with Jacob of course. We just sat there staring at each other. I leaned forward to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face to mine, kissing him.

I felt myself come back to the present and looked at Edward and Jacob's worried faces.

"You ok Alex?" I looked at Edward confused, then remembered my name to everybody else outside Jacob and I was Alexis. I shook my head out.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just remembered something." I smiled at Jacob his face shifted from worried to happy.

"Um, Carlisle wants you home." I nodded. I was still living in a group home, I still had a curfew. I started walking out the door when Jacob grabbed my uninjured wrist. I glared at him hand then at him, but I quickly relaxed my posture and fixed my glare. He let go of my hand and stuffed it in his pocket. I walked back over to him and touched his arm.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to force of habit." He frowned and nodded. I touched his lips with my index finger and turned back to Edward.

"Can he come with us?" Edward sighed and nodded. I smiled and pulled Jacob's arm, tugging him pass Edward and down the stairs. Once I got outside I started running down the street.

"Christ bells. I forgot how fast you were." I rolled my eyes.

"Come on Jake, I'm not even going that fast. You must've gotten out of shape since the last time I saw you." He hit my arm.

"You weren't even a fast runner when you were thirteen!" I froze.

"I was thirteen?" he tried to stop quickly but stumbled. He turned around and came back to me.

"Yeah. Why?"

"I thought I was twelve when I woke up!" I said.

"Your birthday is September 13th bells. Why?" I shouted and jumped up and down.

"I'M 18!!" he gave me a confused look.

"So…"

"I don't have to be in a group home anymore! Jake thank you!!!" I shouted jumping into his arms. He squeezed and let me go. He looked into my eyes, his neck craned toward me, but I tore myself out of his arms and started running again.

I can't let myself get to off the track. I may have found my past but it doesn't mean that when I leave the rules won't apply anymore. When Jacob is around, the rules don't apply, but I can't let myself forget that they're there.

Wait. When did I decide I was leaving? Why do I want to stay here? Jacob is a big part of that decision but that alone isn't enough to ground me to one place. I should know. I've found ways to move all over the country. School fights, vandalism. I'm your regular juvenile delinquent, with no rap sheet since I, technically, don't exist. And at times I had some really great families, but they would turn against me in time. They all do.

The only way to save my future is to reconnect with my past, then be able to let it go. How am I supposed to trust someone that randomly appears back in my life? I was happy with being ignorant, and now that it's taken away from me, I want to know everything. And that scares me.

I've never had a 101 class on how to deal with family that reappears after 6 years of ignorance so I don't know how this is supposed to work or anything, but I'm pretty sure kissing your past after knowing him for a couple of hours isn't the best way to go.

I ran all the way back to the Cullen's house with Jacob trailing behind me. Once I got on the porch I laughed at the dead tired figure laying on the grass in the front yard. I took a couple deep breathes, trying to calm my breathing, and then I walked back down to the yard and stood over him.

"You getting up anytime soon?" he laughed and reached a hand out to me. I clasped my hand with his and helped him up.

"God. All I remember is the twelve year old you, which was small and wimpy." I said elbowing him, he laughed. "But now you're all… big and strong and…" he looked at me waiting for my response, "meaty." He rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah thanks." I rolled my eyes and opened the door. Everybody was staring at me. It made me feel so uncomfortable that I subconsciously took my fighting stance and cracked my knuckles. Emmett was the first one to speak.

"We're just shocked because we've never seen you smile like that before." I relaxed my position, but still felt self-conscious.

"Man whose guitar is that?" Jacob asked randomly. Edward stepped forward.

"Mine." Jacob gestured to the guitar.

"May it?" Edward nodded as Jacob picked up the guitar. He played a couple of strings then looked to me and waved me over with a nod of his head.

"Let's see if you remember this." He began to play a song, and it sounded incredibly familiar, but I couldn't pull a memory. Then he began to sing.

_I was switched off like a light  
__A fighter with no fight  
__Staring off at the stars  
__Giving into the dark  
__Somehow you saw  
__Someone worth saving  
__You pulled back into the light._

I have no idea what came into me, but somehow I knew the lyrics and sang the next part with him.

_Now if ever I can rescue you  
__When you need two arms to fall into  
__You know exactly where I'll be  
__Just look for me_

Then he sang the last part by himself.

_And I will rescue you._

**(Cue Hollywood Undead's song Out The Way. I would totally recommend listening to it while readin this part)**

I blinked really fast trying to clear my mind, but it wasn't working. I felt my eyes glaze over as memories flooded my mind.

"Bella. Come over here."

"Bella, you should go on track."

"Come on Bella! You're missing the fun."

"Whoa, Bella. Watch out. You could get hurt."

"You ok Bella?"

"Bella? Bella? Bella?! Bella! Bella! BELLA! BELLA!!!!!!!!!"

The voices began to overlap as they got louder, screaming into my ear, calling my name. And then I saw it.

I was standing on the sidewalk watching my house. And then it happened. Just like a dream I didn't remember happening.

The house exploded into flames.

I was thrown back by the force of the explosion and bashed my head into something. Hard.

I could vaguely hear my dad yell my name before I blacked out.

**A/N: Next chapter will begin in Jacob's point of view, so you can finally see what she looks like when she remembers stuff, and then why she blacks out.**

**Review Please!!!!**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: WARNING: FILLER CHAPTER enjoy =-)**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me:** goldfish….  
**Lauren:** ……….and frosted animal cookies.  
**Me and Lauren:** GOLDFISH AND FROSTED ANIMAL COOKIES!!  
**Me:** Those make a GREAT combo.....  
**Lauren:** …….cheesy AND sugary….in a good way…..  
**Me:** That combination would be as excellent as Edward and Jacob!!  
**Lauren:** YUMMM!  
**Edward:** *walks in* OHH SHITT! JACOB THEY'RE BACK!  
**Jacob:** RUNNN!!!!!

_**Chapter 4**_

"Man, whose guitar is that?" breaking awkward silences seemed to become my job with Bella around again. Edward stepped and gave me a small glare.

"Mine." I'm going to punch him if he thinks Bella is his.

"May I?" he gave sharp nod and walked to another part of the house. Everyone scattered as I dragged Bella to a bench.

"Let's see if you remember this." I smiled and began to play her song. I wrote it pretty recently, before I saw her in Forks. It was strange, knowing she needed rescuing but not even knowing who she was by then.

_I was switched off like a light_

_A fighter with no fight_

_Staring off at the stars_

_Giving into the dark_

_Somehow you saw someone worth saving_

_You pulled me back into the light_

She didn't get that blank stare that she normally has when I've seen her remember things, but she sang the chorus with me.

_Now if ever I can rescue you_

_When you need 2 arms to fall into_

_You know exactly where I'll be_

_Just look for me_

And then she let me sing this part on my own.

_And I will rescue you._

She gave me a small smile, but it quickly disappeared as she shook her head, trying to clear it. She gave me a fleeting glance right before her eyes glazed over, her mind flooding with memories.

Her eyes held no emotion but the way her hands held her ears, she was hearing something she didn't want to. Something that was hurting her. I shook her shoulder and called her name.

"Bella. Bella? Can you hear me? Bella!" I shouted shaking her harder.

Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she fell to the floor, seizing uncontrollably. I began to freak out and hyperventilate.

"CARLISLE!" I called. He was the doctor. He would know what to do.

"What's going…" he trailed off, looking at Bella, and then going into full doctor mode.

"EDWARD" he shouted for him, "Jacob, get that pillow over there." I nodded and got the pillow. I began to run back over to him but I stopped when I saw the blood. In her writhing she bashed her head on the edge of a step. Blood began to pool around her head. I froze. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I just watched.

"Edward, hold her down. Alice, get some towels. Emmett takes Jacob outside. Rose, call 9-1-1." Everybody nodded and went to do what they were told. Emmett touched my shoulder, I glared at him.

"I'm not leaving." I said, walking away from him and kneeling down on the floor. A tear slid down my cheek as she continued to thrash around on the floor, blood getting soaked in her hair. I grabbed her hand which tightened and loosened and moved twitchily, against her will.

"Why aren't you doing anything?" I growled at him. Alice came running back with the towels. Emmett and Jasper waited in the corner as Edward pushed her body down against the floor, be he was having trouble, she was fighting him. Carlisle lifted her head and set the towels under it so her head wouldn't hit the floor so hard.

"We can't. It's a seizure. You can't stop these things." I groaned.

"Then when will it end?!" nobody answered me.

Finally her body stopped twitching and her muscles stood still. I held my breath as I waited for her eyes to open.

**A/N: yay!! Ended in a cliffy!! Next chapter is going to be in Bella's POV.**

**REVIEW**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: ok I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was about to but my dad said I had to stop writing or else I wouldn't get to do anything for my b-day. Lol I almost abandoned my dad for you people! You better review this!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me**: Ok, Lauren, you got the goodz?....  
**Lauren:** Yup, Anna, I gots the goodz. Time to put our plan into action…..  
**Me:** Time for operation "Own Edward Cullen and Jacob Black" to commence!!  
**Edward:** *ehemm* We're standing right here.  
**Jacob:** YEA! AND WE DON'T APPROVE OF THIS!!!  
**Anna: **Oh shit Bestie!! Time for plan B………  
**Lauren:** Operation "Own Twilight"….  
**Edward:** Not going to happen either.  
**Me:** DAMN YOU AND YOUR SPARKLY VAMPIRE GOODNESS!!!  
**Lauren:** GET HIM!!!!  
**Edward:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
**Jacob:** *Slowly backs away from Edward as girls attack him* Uhhh…..BYEE!!

_**Chapter 5**_

The blackness began to fade out as a bright light came into my vision. If I could find my lungs, I would've laughed at the irony of "the light". Then I noticed the hands holding my head and the arms around my waist. Once I found my eyelids I blinked. I slowly began to find the rest of my body.

"jake?" I moaned. Someone let out a whoosh of air and came to sit down next to me.

"Bells, I thought you were gone."

"huh?" I asked, kicking away Edward's hands, I didn't even have to look to know he was glaring at me.

"how's your head?" Carlisle asked me.

"fine. Jake, I'm fine. I just passed out." His eyes widened and he looked to Carlisle.

"its normal for someone to not remember he said. I tried to turn my head but he wouldn't let me.

"what are you people talking about? Let me up!" I said. I was shocked I couldn't muster up the anger I use to have in my voice.

"Bella, you had a seizure. You cracked your skull when you went down."

"great, more stitches." I muttered. "can I get up?"

"yeah." Carlisle and Jacob helped me up as Carlisle continued to keep pressure on my new head wound.

"here come sit over here." He said, helping me to the kitchen. Jacob brought a chair over and helped me sit.

"bella, what were you remembering?" he asked. the tears gathered in my eyes as I remembered my dad's voice echoing in my brain.

"how he died. And why I didn't remember." His eyes turned sympathetic and his hand touched my cheek.

"bells…" he said. I sighed and rested my head in his palm. "I'm sorry bella." My eyebrows scrunched in confusion and my head shot up.

"for what?" he didn't look in my eyes. He played with my fingers as he spoke.

"Well for trying to kiss you… more than once. And for letting you get away." He said. I smiled. He looked so much like a child, the little boy I saw in my memory flashes, but still he was more defined, more muscular, and much, much more grown up. I was shocked when desire flowed through my veins. I wasn't use to these kinds of feelings. I've actually done everything to _not_ fall into this trap.

I flinched when I felt Carlisle touched a tender spot on my head.

"Sorry."

"What do you mean getting away?" he finally looked back up to me, his eyes burning with sympathy.

"After the explosion," I flinched, but he didn't stop. "Billy tried to find you, he went to the hospitals and your friends' house but nobody knew where you went. Where were you?"

"The hospital. They didn't know who I was so once I was well they assigned me a social worker and sent me to Arizona."

"You never thought to come back to forks?" he asked incredulously.

"I was scared." I admitted, looking down at my hands.

"Quit moving!" Carlisle said. I looked back up but didn't look at Jacob. he took my hand in his and intertwined them. I couldn't help but smile as his hand warmed mine. I watched his face as he took the back of my hand and touched it to his cheek. We stayed like that for a moment. Actually we stayed like that until Carlisle was finished patching up my head.

"Your finished Alex." He said. I turned around and faced him.

"Bella." I said smiling. His eyes brightened and he smiled back. I got up, unwillingly letting got of Jacob's hand, and hugged Carlisle.

"Thank you for taking me in."

"Anything Bella. We're the exception, I promise." I nodded and let him go. The shrill ring of the phone made me jump. Jacob laughed at me. I turned around a mock glared at him and hit his arm playfully.

"Oh no you didn't." he said, laughing. I pushed him in the chest again and he grabbed my hands and I squeaked loudly. I've never squeaked before. Alexis doesn't squeak! But maybe Bella does… what am I? Bipolar??? I'm talking about myself to myself… that's completely normal.

"Bella, why don't you and your friend go hang out in your bedroom while I take this call." Carlisle said. Jacob and I looked at each other, smiled, and took off running up the stairs.

Once we got all the way up to the third floor and into my room I closed my door and wrapped my arms around his neck as his lips crashed down on mine. I kissed him back fiercely as he lifted me up and I hooked my legs around his waist.

That's when I let go.

Let go of Alex.

Let go of Bella.

Lost sight of my pain, misfortune, and loss.

Time froze, letting me bask in the moment.

My moment.

My moment with Jacob.

No more thoughts of the past or fears of the future.

Just me and Jacob.

**A/N: ok if this gibberish made no sense to you raise your hand!!  
*****hands rose*  
****ok well basically they're having sex but I didn't it in a… non-messy way =-)  
c****hu welcome!**

**REVIEW!!!**


	7. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

**I'm sorry I had to write one, because I hate writing authors' notes but I'm so tired of writing and not getting any reviews. I know that there are a lot of people who read my stories and when they don't review it makes me wonder if I should even continue writing them.**

**So I'm just here to say that I don't want to stop, but if I don't get reviews, it doesn't motivate me to write more.**

**So in closing, more reviews will equal more chapters more often.**

**Please guys, review.**

**ALSO:**

**DO **_**NOT**_** REVIEW ON THIS "CHAPTER".**

from your author with love,  
Anna


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